In April I spent 2 weeks in beautiful sunny southern California, albeit it rained non-stop. It was a business trip, training for a lateral position I took in February. I missed my family but it is rather apparent that I needed to find some clairty.
I jumped into the seminary journey just believing that God would bring everyone else along with me. Infact, that just hasn't happened. I met some wonderful co-workers in LA and spent a good amount of time sharing my journey with another Christian. By the end of the first week I was convinced that I was not going to quit my job any time soon. Infact, the true question was whether I would be going back to school at all right now. My friend suggested that the timing may not be right. Whatever it was, it was time to make a decision before I risked everything.
It's times like this that I understand the true meaning of family. I'm convinced that God wants me to take care of what He has blessed me with - my spouse and my child. Walking away from an annual salary that is less than my MDiv education would cost was intimidating. We live debt free for a reason; we pass on nice vacations for a reason; we save money for a reason. So to walk away from a great salary, place my family under emmense pressure, have little time to give them, incur such a huge debt and eventually find a job making half ......... I stood on the beach one night in Venice, looked up at the stairs and told God "you will have to make it abundantly clear to all of us before I can move forward." This was a disappointing and difficult decision.
You may be as disappointed but trust me, this journey is not over. I have much to consider, much to discern. There are other ways to educate myself, atleast less expensive ways. There are people who are willing to mentor me. The MDiv may not be the degree I need for my call. I do know that higher education is crutial to where God wants me to be in a decade. For now the new job has revived my interest in my career.
It's time to step back and seek His voice again. I know with everything that I am that God has a special ministry for me - one that will involved reaching outside Colorado, perhaps across the country one day. I humbly ask for your prayers and your support as I go back out into the desert for answers.
