Just Another Two Year Old!

A couple months ago when I was discerning my call I was driving down the road from picking Jaida up at daycare. I turned to her in the back seat (no as a professional claims adjustor you should NOT do that) and asked her if she thought Mommy Cheryl could be a pastor like Mr. Steve. She grinned from ear to ear and said, "No, that's silly Mom." My heart sank. I asked her why that was silly and she said "Mr. Steve talks too much." I lost it.



So just last week, as I was trying to avert the oncoming of a foul mood I asked her again, "Jaida, do you think Mommy Cheryl will be a pastor like Mr. Steve?" She smiled and said "Yes." Aren't kids something else. You just gotta love 'em.

Now Mr. Steve has taken on a critical role in Jaida's life, whether he understands that or not. Whenever we go to bed on Saturday night and tell her she needs to get a good night sleep for church on Sunday she says, "I see Mr. Steve." She absolutely LOVES Mr. Steve. If he's in the church she'll find him and all she really wants is to show him her painted nails, her book or her barbie. I'm just so thrilled that he is so wonderful about it. He picks her up and loves on her like there is no one else around. We are so grateful for that 3-5 mintues he gives her. That's all she needs.

Evenso, I'm thrilled than when we bring her up for communion or the last song of the service that Mr.Steve doesn't mind if she runs to him or Kandis. Either way she's in her glory in the front of the church, getting all the love and attention she craves.

I have to say, other than her Grandpa, Grampy and Uncle Will that Mr. Steve was tops on her list. She sees him more than the other men in her life. Even her Godfather Poppi (Denny). Finally in the last couple weeks we've gotten to see Jaida with her Poppi in the way we'd hoped before she was born. She had his full attention after dinner one night. Poppi was down on his knees in the living room, not very smal for a man 6'5 and Jaida was ordering him to be 'her kitty'. He played with her, read to her, held her and bathed her. A week later she barged into the church council meeting and got right up on his lap and snuggled with him. The council smiled and Poppi proudly boasted, "this is my Goddaughter!" Jaida looked across the room and saw Mr. Steve and smiled but nudged even closer to her Poppi. When Steve got up to leave the room Jaida chased him down the hallway for another hug.

We are so blessed to have such wonderful men in our lives. There are more but these two are particularly special to Jaida. Just as it should be.

What a blessed life we have. A loving family, a good relationship, a beautiful daughter, jobs, a home, God in our lives ......... life is good!

The Waiting is Over!

Tonight I find myself speechless, if you can imagine that. I've been checking the Iliff Admissions Website daily to see if there was any update - nothing! Last night as I gathered with some very dear friends and former co-workers I found myself joyful that they had found something better. Sadly, I miss them! As I drove home in time to put Jaida to bed I realized that I was days away from knowing if there was a light at the end of the tunnel for me.

After a beautiful day with my family I sat down one more time to check on my status - yes I can be obessive that way. But something was different. My status was no longer 'file in review since 10/28/09". My status read 'Admitted 11/6/09'. What? I believe I was just admitted to Iliff School of Theology to pursue my Masters of Divinity. I can't even process right now. If you've read my blog then you've gone along on this journey with me and understand what it's taken to get me, us, to this point. God knows we have no idea what is in store for us going forward. But the most beautiful thing is that Kandis, Jaida and I will be on this journey together.

Thank you God for believing in me. Thank you for choosing me, for choosing my family and for choosing Kandis and Jaida. We are humbled by your call. I never doubted that you have called me to ministry but I denied it mostly by denying myself. Hard to believe it's taken this long to accept myself for exactly who I am and in doing so, accepting your call.

Please continue to give us the courage, faith and guidance.

Revelations

In 2002 I felt that God was asking me to step out of the box and lean on him in a big way. After five years in a successful job I resigned and started my own professional organizing business and helping Kandis in her cleaning business. At the time I thought that God has something new in store for me. Behold, I do a new thing! Everyone in my life thought I was crazy walking away from a bright future but I knew that God was leading me and things would be fine. I didn't understand where He was leading me but I knew I needed to listen.

After 18 months and the aftershock of 9-11 I was unable to maintain my client base and began looking for stable work again. I'd understood the significance of stepping out in faith but could not understand why my business failed sending me back into corporate America 2 years after leaving. The stint (job) I held from month 18-24 was so incredibly miserable that I can't even write about it. Fortunately in 2004 I found my way into my current job restoring our bank account and my confidence.

As I posted yesterday I kept thinking, I've been here before. This place where God asks me to step out in faith, give it all up ... but I can't remember when. Why does this position of being tested in the same way seems so familiar? Once again I feel God asking me to step away from all that 'appears' secure (the job) and follow Him. Why has it come to this again? What did I miss the first time?

As I sat thru In The Light tonight it came to me. The answer I've been seeking for seven years about why I left my job in 2002. It was a test. It was God putting me through the very same test that I face today except the path is clear, the direction defined, the call confirmed. It was a huge move for me to make and as I face the days and months ahead it seems small in comparison. Back then we had a small mortgage, Kandis's income was steady and we had nothing to loose. Now we have twice the mortgage and daycare for Jaida that equals it. We just got Kandis back to work in August. I barely made it through being fired and/or laid off. We have health and dental insurance. We just restarted our 401k after 2 years. And to follow this call we are to walk away from all of that, figure out a way to pay the bills every month and pay tuition every quarter while continuing to nuture our family life.

God can move mountains. I do believe this. I have seen it. And I'm sharing this blog because I want others to see it too. Seven years ago God was leading me, preparing me, challenging me simply to see if I'd listen and now I understand why. If I'd not had that experience I might not be prepared for what lies ahead.

What If?

I noted something on my FB status a few weeks ago that solicited a thought provoking response. I had indicated that all my paperwork was into Iliff as of 10/28/09 and that it was now all in God's hands. A retired pastor friend of my commented, "what if Iliff and God don't agree?" I thought for a moment - well, what if?

The truth is that this 20 year journey has revealed itself more specifically over the years. I believed that I am in tune with what God is asking of me but then again, I feel like I've been here before and God was just testing me to see if I would be faithful. There's no question that I will be faithful to my calling, and if not ordination, then whatever that may be.

So what if? Well, if I've completely misread the signs and misunderstood His guidance for that many years and the door is closed, I'll keep praying and seeking His direction and faithfully following the path He's laid out for me. I'm okay with that. Perhaps I could be wrong and Iliff denies my application. Door closed. I understand that door-in-face experiences. I can appreciate the devils advocate position and I also understand the increasing challenges that comes with following the call.

Bring it on. Either way there is no doubt God has brought me to this point. Should He say "hey Cheryl, I just wanted to see if you'd do it, now let me really show you what I have planned" then I'm on my way. This is not MY dream to became an ordained minister. I believe it is God's dream for me.

I guess we'll know soon!