Discernment

Officially I have 4 weeks until I begin seminary, January 5. I've had lot of things on my mind, pushing, pulling, churning ... so much so that it's been exhausting. Then the phone rings. It's Iliff! They wanted to discuss the winter collquim that is required every quarter of the first year. It's more of a mentoring and discernment time ... a weekly groug meeting and volunteer work during the week. The idea is to work in several different areas of ministry and gather weekly with a group and mentor as we discuss and discern our futures.

Sound like a great idea, and something I really need right now BUT, 2 nights a week at class (3-4 hours each night), 4 hours of volunteer work AND studying????? This is too much right now. This is not what I was anticipatng when I decided to "take a class" while still working full time. We've discussed it and at this point I do think I'm going to hold off on the required field education until fall, stick with the one class and just allow my little family time to get used to all of this.

What it has done is added more chaos to my mind. Over the past couple of months I've been considering ministry options ... prison ministry which sounds kind of scary, hospital ministry which sounds kind of depressing, christian counseling which sounds a little boring, pastoring which sounds intimidating ... and then I've been consumed with writing, perhaps a book and with the idea of someday making a documentary. WHERE DID THAT COME FROM? I push the Virgo boundaries for being creative and artistic but not that much. Writing and film making is something I'm really excited about, driven to learn more about it and movtivated in a whole new way.

What does all this mean? I have no idea. But like I always do, I'm beginning to take notes, document my thoughts and ideas, research, pray and listen. Out of all the above ministries outreaches this one excites me the most. But I'm still open to what God will have for me.

I know this is just the beginnig of discerning what I want to be when I grow up, well, when I graduate. But it's a bright shining light at the end of a very long tunnel I've been crawling through for decades. What a journey we are on. I'm so blessed to have you all on this journey with me. You have been chosen to be here with me along the way so thank you.