Make a sacrifice
God will ask you to do something that makes no sense at all
Do something beautiful for God.
Over Labor Dad weekend we have the opporunity to spend the weekend with my parents in Estes Park while they attended the Reconciling Ministries Network Convocation. Kandis and my father had committed to the worship team which we all imagined might be 1-2 hours of practice and 1-2 hours of performance. I wanted Kandis to have this opportunity and so I told her that would do everything possible to free her up for the 4 days. Little did I know we would share half hour meals and might have 1 hour a day with her. Jaida missed her and I was frustrated. Here my parents had put their heart and soul into this ministry, it was my first real exposure to it and I was unable to attend bible studies, lectures and might have gotten to see 20 minutes of the worship services before Jaida could no longer sit still (or be quiet). I was hoping after LaForet that the RMN conference would be a spiritually uplifting time for me with my family. I grew angry, frustrated and sad. I was happy that Kandis had the opportunity she had but sad that I missed a huge opportunity to be with my parents when they have committed so much of their lives and money to this ministry.
Yes, I even compared my 4 days to a spiritual desert. I was lonely and disappointed that God wasn't speaking to me. Alas, I was wrong once again. As we returned home and reflected about the weekend. And I realized that all weekend I was standing in front of that 4th and final hurdle - acknowledging that God had called me to ministry and accepting that call. FINALLY! I was able to confide in my parents about everything that I've written in this blog. I wasn't sure they were ready to hear that their lesbian daughter had been called to ministry and yet, they knew! Infact, days later my older sister told me that the entire reason my parents chose to submerge themselves into RMN was to pave a path should their daughter be seeking ordination in the future.
Those four obstacles I battled for 25 years were no longer an issue. I'd spent the prior weeks researching Iliff and other seminaries privately. I was afraid to tell Kandis what resolve I had come to for fear she'd 'freak out' or doubt. I have been consumed, now more than ever, to research, reach out, share, discuss, pray and listen for God's direction. The nudgings are forceful, the signs quite obvious and the confirmation profound.
I'd set up a meeting with Pastor Steve for my birthday, a meeting with Tracy Dawson who has recently finished seminary and also reached out to a couple of friends and mentors regarding my 25 year calling. No let me correct myself here. I was going to set up a meeting with Tracy Dawson by getting ahold of her on Monday but low and behold when I returned to my seat in the sanctuary Sunday morning she was sitting in the seat next to mine. Confirmation! After the service I was coraling Jaida and talking to Pastor Steve when Kathy Brown approached me. What she had to say must have been important because she walked straight over to me saying that there was an energy I exuded, perhaps a magnet that drew her to me and that she needed to get to know me. I was startled. Kathy was another person that I intended to speak with after learning about her seminary experience. I could barely respond to her, only that I had so much going on and didn't have time to respond. Confirmation! Fortunately I called Kathy that night and caught her up to speed and we both found the encounter interesting to say the least.
You know, it's as if God knows (well obviously He does) that the information I need to hear needs to come from a person I hold in high regard/respect for me to absorb and acknowledge it. Not that is has more credibility but it's always worked that way for me. So, when Peggy Campolo, Marvin Matthews, Rebecca Kemper-Poos, Kandis Glasgow, Kathy Brown, Tracy Dawson, Steve Poos-Benson, etc, say the things God knows I need to hear then I have received the confirmation I need. A pastor friend of mine in Arizona asked me recently about all of this by saying, "Cheryl, what is it that you know for sure?" I told Brian the same thing I told my mother last week. "Whatever it is that God is calling me to do, it's big, it's uncomfortable, it's public and it requires seminary." Those are the things God has shown me over the years.
Seminary? $50,000 for three years for tuition, fees and books for a Masters of Divinity. That doesn't include living expenses when I leave the security of a very good paying job to pursue this call full time. What else do I know? My seminary pursuit will be full time and it will be soon - perhaps before the close of 2011. Does God expect us to go into debt for this? How will we live on Kandis's income? Can we keep the house? And what about my college GPA from 20+ years ago that falls below the required GPA for seminary? God must move mountains to make this happen and I have NO doubt that He can and will. The numbers are impossible and none of it makes sense from a practical standpoint. And so we move forward, one day at a time, praying, trusting and listening ... God is asking us to do something that doesn't make sense at all.
God will ask you to do something that makes no sense at all
Do something beautiful for God.
Over Labor Dad weekend we have the opporunity to spend the weekend with my parents in Estes Park while they attended the Reconciling Ministries Network Convocation. Kandis and my father had committed to the worship team which we all imagined might be 1-2 hours of practice and 1-2 hours of performance. I wanted Kandis to have this opportunity and so I told her that would do everything possible to free her up for the 4 days. Little did I know we would share half hour meals and might have 1 hour a day with her. Jaida missed her and I was frustrated. Here my parents had put their heart and soul into this ministry, it was my first real exposure to it and I was unable to attend bible studies, lectures and might have gotten to see 20 minutes of the worship services before Jaida could no longer sit still (or be quiet). I was hoping after LaForet that the RMN conference would be a spiritually uplifting time for me with my family. I grew angry, frustrated and sad. I was happy that Kandis had the opportunity she had but sad that I missed a huge opportunity to be with my parents when they have committed so much of their lives and money to this ministry.
Yes, I even compared my 4 days to a spiritual desert. I was lonely and disappointed that God wasn't speaking to me. Alas, I was wrong once again. As we returned home and reflected about the weekend. And I realized that all weekend I was standing in front of that 4th and final hurdle - acknowledging that God had called me to ministry and accepting that call. FINALLY! I was able to confide in my parents about everything that I've written in this blog. I wasn't sure they were ready to hear that their lesbian daughter had been called to ministry and yet, they knew! Infact, days later my older sister told me that the entire reason my parents chose to submerge themselves into RMN was to pave a path should their daughter be seeking ordination in the future.
Those four obstacles I battled for 25 years were no longer an issue. I'd spent the prior weeks researching Iliff and other seminaries privately. I was afraid to tell Kandis what resolve I had come to for fear she'd 'freak out' or doubt. I have been consumed, now more than ever, to research, reach out, share, discuss, pray and listen for God's direction. The nudgings are forceful, the signs quite obvious and the confirmation profound.
I'd set up a meeting with Pastor Steve for my birthday, a meeting with Tracy Dawson who has recently finished seminary and also reached out to a couple of friends and mentors regarding my 25 year calling. No let me correct myself here. I was going to set up a meeting with Tracy Dawson by getting ahold of her on Monday but low and behold when I returned to my seat in the sanctuary Sunday morning she was sitting in the seat next to mine. Confirmation! After the service I was coraling Jaida and talking to Pastor Steve when Kathy Brown approached me. What she had to say must have been important because she walked straight over to me saying that there was an energy I exuded, perhaps a magnet that drew her to me and that she needed to get to know me. I was startled. Kathy was another person that I intended to speak with after learning about her seminary experience. I could barely respond to her, only that I had so much going on and didn't have time to respond. Confirmation! Fortunately I called Kathy that night and caught her up to speed and we both found the encounter interesting to say the least.
You know, it's as if God knows (well obviously He does) that the information I need to hear needs to come from a person I hold in high regard/respect for me to absorb and acknowledge it. Not that is has more credibility but it's always worked that way for me. So, when Peggy Campolo, Marvin Matthews, Rebecca Kemper-Poos, Kandis Glasgow, Kathy Brown, Tracy Dawson, Steve Poos-Benson, etc, say the things God knows I need to hear then I have received the confirmation I need. A pastor friend of mine in Arizona asked me recently about all of this by saying, "Cheryl, what is it that you know for sure?" I told Brian the same thing I told my mother last week. "Whatever it is that God is calling me to do, it's big, it's uncomfortable, it's public and it requires seminary." Those are the things God has shown me over the years.
Seminary? $50,000 for three years for tuition, fees and books for a Masters of Divinity. That doesn't include living expenses when I leave the security of a very good paying job to pursue this call full time. What else do I know? My seminary pursuit will be full time and it will be soon - perhaps before the close of 2011. Does God expect us to go into debt for this? How will we live on Kandis's income? Can we keep the house? And what about my college GPA from 20+ years ago that falls below the required GPA for seminary? God must move mountains to make this happen and I have NO doubt that He can and will. The numbers are impossible and none of it makes sense from a practical standpoint. And so we move forward, one day at a time, praying, trusting and listening ... God is asking us to do something that doesn't make sense at all.
with all this calling going on why ain't you calling your brother? ;)
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