Personal Statement of Faith - prepared for Iliff Seminary

Born the youngest child of a career military officer I was baptized in the United Methodist Church and raised on the principles taught by organizations such as Focus on the Family. I learned through the years that the life of a military family left little opportunity for putting down roots. Our longest assignment was when I was in 6th - 10th grade. It was during this time that I discovered I was gay. Naturally those were formidable years and the secret I carried with me caused painful confusion and alienated me from my loved ones.

The next 15 years of my life were filled with unrest. I was unable to reconcile my faith and my sexual orientation, both of which I believed were gifts from God. My friends did not understand me. My family loved me deeply but could not accept me. The Church called me an abomination and told me I was unacceptable to God and society referred to those like me as sexual perverts. My Christian faith was as fundamental to me as breathing and those external messages contradicted that which God had placed on my heart as a young girl. As a result every aspect of my life was disrupted. Believing at times that my only certainty was in athletics I chased every scholarship opportunity I stumbled upon nearly destroying my ability to obtain my undergraduate degree. This was the single most demoralizing experience in my life.

Following graduation I thrust myself into a career pursuing validation and achievement. Undoubtedly this was my spiritual desert. I could not comprehend the kind of hate my sexual orientation evoked in society and particularly in conservative Christian circles. The God I knew did not discard His children nor instruct others to be His adjudicators. If God created me in His image how could He think this of me? Uncertainty permeated my very being but my faith in God remained steadfast. Despite earlier struggles I emerged a leader, effectively managing successful businesses, starting my own professional organizing business, training employees, developing corporate training manuals and leading several task forces addressing employment issues.

Years of internal conflict produced impatience and a need for perfection. These were negative
traits that I imposed on myself in an effort to counteract my failures and control my environment. I still wrestle with impatience on a day-to-day basis. However, my child-like faith often diffuses this on more significant issues. I have also found that my deep compassion for others allows me the ability to extend grace to myself. I am passionate about my faith and God’s message of grace. Because I am an internal processor I am intentional in my responses to others. I have an innate ability to understand diverse personalities, connect with people, diffuse conflict and refocus individuals and groups toward a common objective.

Most of my youth was focused on athletics yet some of my most significant childhood experiences were Sunday school, church camp, Youth group and Fellowship of Christian Athletes. However, it was one experience that transformed me. In 1985 I contracted an infection in my foot that resulted in blood poisoning and gangrene. I was hospitalized for two weeks and eventually underwent surgery. After a week the doctors told me that the surgery would either correct the problem, or if the infection had spread, I could loose my foot. The night before the surgery I was frustrated. I began to cry out to God asking why. At that moment I felt the overpowering presence of the Holy Spirit come down upon me and I heard an audible voice. “I have given you specials gifts so that you can fulfill my higher calling.” The message was so evident I began to weep. In that moment I realized that my athletic talent was merely a temporary platform, that God’s greater gift to me was a unique voice of compassion, and that He was preparing me for a ministry of reconciliation.

For twenty-five years I have struggled with this call. In 2000 I rededicated my life to Christ and began a journey of restoration. I immersed myself in the Gospel, attended church regularly, and devoted myself to prayer. In 2003 I was a founding member of Open Door Community Church of Denver and served as a lay pastor for two years. I had an insatiable appetite for the message of Christ. One by one, the stumbling blocks were removed. The Apostle Paul wrote “I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us..” (Philippians 3:12-14 NLT). As I continue to discern God continues to confirm my call to ministry.

A few months ago a pastor friend asked me what I knew for sure. This is what I know to be true. God has been calling me to become an ordained minister for 25 years. Seminary is necessary to challenge my thinking, and to provide the theological foundation necessary to fulfill His purpose. As uncomfortable as it is for me, God will use me in a very public way. He has asked me to make a sacrifice and to do something that seems impossible right now. God has given me deep passion for unity, a heart for reconciliation and a unique voice to reach across all pews. Iliff is the next step in this journey.

One of the most persuasive ways that the church can demonstrate honor towards God is to be unified in our quest to fulfill His purpose. In Galatians 3:28 the Apostle Paul wrote “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Jesus Christ.” (NKJV). The scripture suggests that Christianity implies an integration of gender, class, and ethnicity together in one shared identity. However, this unity is not always self-evident. In spite of efforts to live in community, history has shown us that individual identity has led to divisiveness, judgment, and separation.

Is it any wonder we have conflict, confusion and stagnation within and between denominations today? Nothing should precede God’s purpose. “The whole congregation of believers was united as one – one heart, one mind!” (Acts 4:32 TMB). The early church was unified in purpose. Jesus enlisted His followers to a life of service. While each had a different purpose within the body they all were called to fulfill the Great Commission. I believe that we must stop limiting God’s love. We must stop attempting to mold and construct the Body of Christ in our image rather than allowing God to guide us. Our prejudices, ignorance, and misinformation restrict God.

In the coming decades I believe the most significant divisions of Christianity will be within denominations. The conservative versus liberal labels and ways of thinking have dangerously divided our Christian family. Debates surrounding sexuality, abortion, war, evolution, poverty, and global climate change will continue to fester. However, I believe the biggest challenge for Christians in the 21st century will be the interpretation of Scripture. Discerning which scriptures we should interpret literally and which metaphorically, will be a defining moment in piecing together our fragmented household.

As a future ordained minister I see myself first as a Christian. My chosen denomination is the lens through which I focus my faith. My hope is that we can embrace all aspects of our traditions and celebrate our unity as Christians. From God’s perspective there is but “. . . one flock and one shepherd”. (John 10:16 NIV). God instructed us to keep unity. In order to protect and promote this we must consider the attitudes we bear. We must re-examine ourselves. We must admit our imperfections. We must receive one another unconditionally. We must offer forgiveness. We must humbly serve those who are different. We must focus on God’s purpose. And we must take the message of Jesus Christ to a divided world.