In anticipation of my meeting with Pastor Steve and further discussions and prayer requests of others I documented my journey to several individuals. As I sat down with Steve on my birthday I assumed he knew why I was there. I told him I was consumed assuming that he'd read my email. He asked why. And I realized that he had not read the email, infact, he had not received the email. So I took half an hour filling him in on the past 25 years, rather briefly. As I came to the part about standing at this crossroads his face turned red and he grinned.
He was excited and shared somethings with me about his perceptions of me over the past 4 years. He recalled a specific time when we were doing a forum. He told me that he observed me closely those nights as we heard from both sides on the issue. He saw in me the ability to remain calm and listen to those who didn't understand, who had their own perceptions and who just could not support the amendment. He said that I had the ability to listen and yet be heard. He had thought that I was the type of person that God called to ministry and that we needed more people like me in the ministry and in the world.
He too asked me what I knew. I told him I knew seminary was necessary to have the credentials to be ordained and to have the credibility needed to have a voice in the progressive movement.
He agreed. I told him that I knew that God was taking me way outside my comfort zone, putting me out in a public way to change lives. He agreed. And finally, I expressed that I did not know if God was calling me to be an ordained minister or to seek the necessary education to become a Christian counselor, non-profit organizer or lay leader. He smiled.
We discussed some of the huge obstacles in front of us; tuition, living expenses, our mortgage, Kandis's ministry calling, Jaida and my GPA. I told him that every other day I wake up and know that God can and will remove the obstacles. But on the off days I calulate the numbers and think it's impossible. Kandis seems to do this too, fortunately we're on opposite schedules. Funny how that works.
Steve's excitement was overwhelming to me. He told me that he believed I was absolutely standing at that crossroads and it would not be long at all before God would move on this. Before the meeting ended I just had to have more confirmation (as usual). I asked Steve what he'd learned about me, saw in me, felt of me and thought of me over the 4 years we'd known each other. He smiled and told me "Cheryl, you have the heart of a pastor. You are passionate. You have a deep compassion for people. You have a certain way of connecting with people. You are non-threatening. You are a slow flowing stream that runs very deep". I reminded him that I wasn't sure that God was calling me to be an ordained minister and he smiled, then laughed. And so did I!
We ended our meeting in prayer. As we bowed our heads and locked hands Steve stopped and told me that he just saw the wings of angels wrapped around my shoulders as if they were preparing to lift me up and help me soar. He prayed for me, for Kandis and for Jaida. The meeting was confirmation but the his vision during our prayer solidified everything. The drive home was very silent and reflective. For the first time in my life I fully acknowledged God calling me to ministry and I understood that this boat would soon be set to sail.
He was excited and shared somethings with me about his perceptions of me over the past 4 years. He recalled a specific time when we were doing a forum. He told me that he observed me closely those nights as we heard from both sides on the issue. He saw in me the ability to remain calm and listen to those who didn't understand, who had their own perceptions and who just could not support the amendment. He said that I had the ability to listen and yet be heard. He had thought that I was the type of person that God called to ministry and that we needed more people like me in the ministry and in the world.
He too asked me what I knew. I told him I knew seminary was necessary to have the credentials to be ordained and to have the credibility needed to have a voice in the progressive movement.
He agreed. I told him that I knew that God was taking me way outside my comfort zone, putting me out in a public way to change lives. He agreed. And finally, I expressed that I did not know if God was calling me to be an ordained minister or to seek the necessary education to become a Christian counselor, non-profit organizer or lay leader. He smiled.
We discussed some of the huge obstacles in front of us; tuition, living expenses, our mortgage, Kandis's ministry calling, Jaida and my GPA. I told him that every other day I wake up and know that God can and will remove the obstacles. But on the off days I calulate the numbers and think it's impossible. Kandis seems to do this too, fortunately we're on opposite schedules. Funny how that works.
Steve's excitement was overwhelming to me. He told me that he believed I was absolutely standing at that crossroads and it would not be long at all before God would move on this. Before the meeting ended I just had to have more confirmation (as usual). I asked Steve what he'd learned about me, saw in me, felt of me and thought of me over the 4 years we'd known each other. He smiled and told me "Cheryl, you have the heart of a pastor. You are passionate. You have a deep compassion for people. You have a certain way of connecting with people. You are non-threatening. You are a slow flowing stream that runs very deep". I reminded him that I wasn't sure that God was calling me to be an ordained minister and he smiled, then laughed. And so did I!
We ended our meeting in prayer. As we bowed our heads and locked hands Steve stopped and told me that he just saw the wings of angels wrapped around my shoulders as if they were preparing to lift me up and help me soar. He prayed for me, for Kandis and for Jaida. The meeting was confirmation but the his vision during our prayer solidified everything. The drive home was very silent and reflective. For the first time in my life I fully acknowledged God calling me to ministry and I understood that this boat would soon be set to sail.
Cheryl,
ReplyDeleteThese posts show an excellent ability to write meaningful and touching stories. You have the beginning of a book that exceeds any that our friends have published to date - in my opinion. It is important that you understand the structure of churches that you might be welcomed into as a graduate seminarian. I only have one denomination technical reference to draw upon, and will share that. Both Brian and Ben have full rides from their denominations because "they fit all the rules." Mainline denominations do provide scholarship, aid etc. to their "chosen" sheep. That presents a challenge to you in that Columbine is not mainline, except by affiliation, therefore probably has to stand on its own two feet. Your thoughts on using seminary, even just some courses to better prepare you for lay leadership, youth pastoring, outreach ministries within the church, social services/non-profit, hospital, etc are all ways that God needs us to serve and disciple, even though we may not be ordained.
Money and family security is an issue. Your first call has been to family, and that must remain intact for you to be successful in your pursuit of this calling. More as time goes by, we love you. Mom and Dad
Dear Cheryl,
ReplyDeleteI can only echo Dad's words, but please know how very much I am proud of you for all you have been through and accomplished. My one regret is that I was not fully prepared as a young mother to be the person you needed at you vulnerable years. You now know that my arms and love surround you and your family continuously. I am with you and there for you every minute. Love, Mom
Mom and Dad, you are the best. No worries! We cannot and should not go back in time. We've been moving forward for years. I love you and appreciate your unconditional love and support and do not take it for granted. I'm excited to share this journey with you.
ReplyDelete